I earn for those days when they were kids, just kids, and would run to me when they get their knees hurt while playing. I know it will not take long for the wound to heal but they were still young to understand that. I would tell them it will get alright soon, apply some ointment on the wound, and make sure their knees don’t touch a thing while they are asleep. In the morning, it would be their first chore to show me their scrapped knee, waiting for me to assess the healing progress. When I say it’s all well, they would smile even though they pretend to be cautious of walking fast or running, lest it might hurt again. And as days go by and fresh skin is formed, the wound would never have been in their memory. They would be all ready for another round of basket ball playing and getting the same knee hurt at the same place. But I know I am there again and it’s going to be okay.
And my motherhood passed by.
Today, our children are away, too far away that only telephones and computers can connect us, once in a while. When I don’t get a call from them a single day, the worry starts somewhere within, is everything alright with them? May be they are just busy with work? What if they are not well? And then I get a call hearing, “Amma, I am not a kid. I am alright.”
Ironically, that’s the way time has changed the emotional dramas as we grow old. Times when I reassured them that they were okay has gone by. Today they reassure us that they are alright. They know they will be fine, but just that we have became old to understand that. In any case, the concern is if they are okay!
Today my grandmotherhood too has passed by.
But the constant concern about my children has never really left me. My daughter who is carrying our fifth grandchild spoke to me yesterday about the difficult times she is facing now managing her elder children, work and home. It is one of the worst helplessness that a parent can face – knowing your child is not well but you are not near to take care. I know she must have been alright, getting busy again with her routine, after the call. But it left me worried through the night. For the nth time, I saw that horrifying dream last night. They get caught somewhere somehow badly and my whole being jumps up and down to save them. The dream which has recurred again and again ever since they were born. I know they are alright. It’s just my insecurity about them which slips such creepy nightmares into my sleep.
In such a sense, they are really never away from us though I’ve never stopped wishing them to be with us again – to make our home happy again!
Thanks to Dabur for coming up with such a warm topic, making many parents like me express their deepest emotions for their children here.