The Diary of the Great Indian Litterbug

Come, let’s open the diary of the ‘Hall of Shame’, The great Indian Litterbug! Protect your nose, quick! It’s going to be a stinking read!

January 28, 1970

I was born this day. Least did my parents knew then that they have begot a one of its kind Indian pride who would grow up to become the great Indian Litterbug one day.

May 22, 1970 Age: 4 months

I do not remember anything of this age. But Ma tells me that all that I did all through the day was either pee or poo or puke. No wonder, I have shown very early signs of my destiny.

March 5, 1972 Age: 2 Yrs

Pa says this is one of the remarkable days of my life. We were returning home from an exhibition which used to be the only entertainment in our town, once in a year. I informed them about my urgent urge to pee. Pa immediately found a nice place on the road and thus this day saw the inaugural of my public peeing. Thanks to this day and my timely urge; several Indian roads would have remained unsanctified in the future days to come, if not for this day.

June 25, 1983 Age: 13 Yrs

It was the day when the breath-taking cricket world cup final was happening in our new black and white television. Ma instructed me to decant our garbage bin at the big bin of our colony. After a few minutes of arguement, I gave up. The big bin was nearly 250 metres away from our home. It would mean half a kilometer walk in total and missing of crucial balls, runs and wickets. I stepped out, walked a while, the big bin was still a few meters away. So I looked around, no one seemed to be on the road. Yes, all were watching the match. I silently emptied our bin there and came back home. Least did I know then I have, in fact invented a new official big bin for our colony. The next day, I saw huge garbage piled up at the spot I had created. In a few days, my new invention took a 150 meter expansion, reaching out to the now old big bin. Well, it’s just my first invention. I’ve lived in several localities in several cities thereafter. And wherever I went, I made sure to invent several long stretches of big bins.

August 14, 1987 Age: 17 Yrs

Today was my first journey away from home to a new place. I had to travel in a bus for twelve hours. Ma had packed home made biscuits and snacks in separate paper packets. The snacks and the water bottle I had bought on the way gave me companionship for my boring journey. As each packet was getting over, I made rockets out of the paper covers and left them in  the air through the bus window. And finally crushed the water bottle out. I cherish this memory and have always enjoyed discarding wrappers, papers, say anything that is a waste on the roads. After all, I am not the one who need to pick them up.

December 28, 1999 Age: 29 Yrs

I visited the great Ganges river today with my new bride. It was an enchanting sight to witness almost anything and everything that could be considered dirty, floating over the Ganges. I became greatly envious that I was not the only great Indian Litterbug, after all. Out of rage, I threw a heart-ful spit on the sacred holy river and promised I will not meet her till death.

January 28, 2005 Age: 35 Yrs

Unfortunately, my promise came true. They said something called a bacteria engulfed my lungs through filthy air. But my appreciations to whosoever first left his contaminated spit into the air. I am floating on the Ganges now after death. Well, I know my soul shall rest in peace because I managed to corrupt the Indian hygiene until the last atom of my body would disintegrate.

January 28, 2015 Age: Should have been 45 Yrs if alive

Even from hell, I enjoy the satellite view of India. My country’s citizens have been improving quite well over the last ten years. My inventions seem nothing to what is being invented today. Be it high class or the low class, there is no discrimination over littering the country. It’s either a spit from the car or from a hut. That’s all the difference! Spitters are spitters! I feel proud to have been one of the pioneers of Indian litterbugging.

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Author: vedvyash

Writing is something that helped me discover the creativity and the expressionism that was hidden under the deep layers of my soul. And me!

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