Sometimes, life throws us into the deepest pit it can ever push and that’s when we need somebody to hold on, to carry us back to life and living again. My dad was the one I could hold on to during such dark phases of my life.
The final year of college had just got over. And I finally graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Botany. Life was all fine till this. But soon after, I had to think about ‘what next?’ Right from the beginning of college studies, I had always wondered if I made the right choice of choosing Botany as my major subject. Everytime I thought about this, I only felt confined. May be I should have introspected a little before choosing Botany? May be I was destined to study something else? I couldn’t quite find an answer and kept ignoring whenever it popped up in my mind. However, once college studies got over, I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I gave a serious thought about what I studied in the last three years was with my heart or was just for the sake of completing a degree. I got convinced that I have done my best in my studies though I have not done the right choice. Yes, I felt I had no ambition from within to pursue a career in Botany. From childhood, I loved being with plants and trees and admired the beautiful colours of the flowers. However, if I ask myself, if I would like to see it as a profession, I realize the answer is no.
I know it was too late to do anything about it now. A feeling of deep regret came into me which was pushing me to dark corners emotionally. I cursed myself again and again for realizing it so late.
One night, after dinner, I spent my time alone at our terrace, gazing at the Moon and Stars. Sensing my pensive mood, my dad came to me that night. When he asked what was bothering me, I confessed that I have made a mistake by choosing a field that is irrelevant to my goals. He then asked me, “Well, what is your goal?” I was stuck again. He gave me a week’s time to think about it. It was the most beautiful week I had ever experienced because for the first time, I was unraveling myself and getting to connect realistically with my inner passions. At the end of the week, I came up to my dad to reveal the truth I’ve found about myself.
“Papa, I think I would like to do social service.”
“As in either be a part of an organization that works for the upliftment of the underprivileged in the society or work independently for a similar cause.”
“Very good. Then pursue it.”
“But then, what justice would I do to the three years of studying and the money you’ve spent for it?”
“See, sometimes in life we make choices without realizing why we make them. But at one point when we get to realize the truth of the whole thing, we need to move on; move on leaving the wrong choices we’ve made; move on with a brighter spirit. At the age of sixteen, I chose to become a mechanic. I aimlessly went behind every other mechanic holding the spanners. But a couple of years later, I decided I must serve my country in someway. And that’s why I joined the army. Now I’ve contently served the Indian army for fourty years without a regret. So what is important is to follow where you have an urge to act. Say, after twenty years from now, these three years you spent studying Botany will become insignificant. Well, I will have a word with A.O.Uncle about your interest in Social work. He will be able to help you.”
These words of my father miraculously transformed my regret I had felt over the last few days. I was confidently looking forward to a hopeful future.
This is just one of my dad’s miracles. He has always been there and now even though he is no more, he continues to remind me of his words, to reassure faith and hope in me. My dad of all times!